![]() I’m saying Eddie was obviously an even bigger hero by American standards. What a disgrace! Guess who never contributed a dime to Ventura’s private jet fuel fund? You guessed it: Eddie Ray Routh. The judge ordered Chris’ widow to pay Jessie “conspiracy theory” Ventura 1.8 million dollars. He was probably in NYC investigating building 7. ![]() He wasn’t even in the same state as Chris at the time. JESSIE VENTURA: Ventura thinks his man-tits deserve more support than our foreign wars, so Chris Kyle claimed he went all Marine Todd on him and knocked him cold with one cock. Eddie was a better sniper at the gun range that day. Being a sniper is basically throwing a surprise party for someone, except the surprise is that you kill them. Chris Kyle might have been a good sniper, but he’s 0-1 against Eddie. Yeah the Bills might have been a good team this year, but they still only went 9-7 and missed the playoffs. GUN BATTLE: There is a saying in football: you are what your record is. He went to his sister’s house and confessed that he had just murdered Chris and some other guy the news doesn’t really care about. ![]() Eddie, on the other hand, told the truth. That’s a very red, white, and blue story, but the problem was, Chris was making it up. Most patriots I know harbor elaborate fantasies of getting attacked so they can guiltlessly kill “looters” and “carjackers” in the name of freedom. He also said he killed 30 looters during Hurricane Katrina. Chris Kyle was indeed a liar, claiming to have shot two carjackers at a gas station. It’s clear that Traumatic Stress Disorder Posted Chris up in the paint and dunked on his bearded face so hard, he may have had problems with aggression, but Eddie was so nuts, he couldn’t even hang out at a gun range without going full Eastwood. PTSD: The only thing more American than PTSD is probably eating in your car. Eddie wins this hands down after absorbing Kyle’s kills. Nobody makes movies about Private Timmy handing out MREs to filthy children while repairing generators. Let’s check out the stats:īODY COUNT: The gears of the military industrial complex can only be greased with freshly drained blood. They’ll be stuck in there forever with thousands of retards and undocumented workers. But until that happens, we need to realize one thing: Eddie Ray Routh is twice the hero Chris Kyle was (using America’s own system of hero-ment). If Eddie lets himself get electrocuted, all those Iraqi souls will fly out of his body and get sucked into Rick Perry’s containment vault. That’s how Hitler escaped into the afterlife with all his stats. There is only one thing Eddie can do now to preserve his heroism and legacy: He has to kill himself. Governor Perry, pictured above, touring Texas’s vault of executed souls.
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